Change. I feel change everyday. I am changed in every way.
I cleaned out a box of papers on my desk last weekend and found an old list of things I’d like to have accomplished in my life. It was a list I made years ago to share with two friends at a local restaurant for an evening of discussion. I enjoyed revisiting the list and crossing items off of it. And I added more on to it.
Every day I wake up lately and giggle a little to myself. I sometimes go to work and work and work and work all day for hours. And on my way home I ask myself, “really? I get paid for this?” because even though it’s a lot of hours and work, to me, it’s not work. I love what I do every day – engaging with students, collaborating with colleagues, fighting for rights of patrons, standing in service amongst my faculty colleagues. How can this be work? Work has never felt this fulfilling to me before. Teaching came close – it had the same feeling – but also the resentment that I worked 70 hours a week for below-minimum-wage pay as an adjunct professor. And so, I wake up and think to myself – “yay! I get to go to work” and I giggle.
I started painting again. I almost am healed/prepared to start running again. When I get over this darn bronchitis I have now, I will be able to start riding my bike to work again. Priorities, my friends, priorities. Family/Friends/Health/Happiness. These are what are important I’ve learned. Not all the consumer bullshit I’ve fallen victim to in the past – and am now paying for twice a month in huge huge credit card/loan debt payments. But – I don’t even resent the fact that though I make money, I have no money because of these damn bills – it’s okay because in life, you must pay for what you’ve done, in order to be who you are now and in the future. We live on small scale now, but will have money to travel and to give away to people who need it more and to spend on time with family and friends someday – someday that I can see in the near future.
One thing I added to my list of things to do in my life: keep on fighting for a society where all are loved, all are considered equal and are treated thus, and where we can all go to sleep at night knowing the world is just. A large battle for a librarian in the midwest? Possibly. Too large to fight? Never.
I think this will be my new motto in life:
“In a world where institutional fallacy is reframed as individual error,
where ‘equality’ and ‘justice’ are words used as weapons in a war of ignorance,
I stand for what I know to be true.”
Happy Autumn everyone – I hope to be seeing you on the walking/running path soon.